Xiu Xiu, Dear God, I Hate Myself

Xiu Xiu, Dear God, I Hate Myself [Kill Rock Stars]

Reviewed by: Cooper Foyt

The opening line of Xiu Xiu’s seventh studio album Dear God, I Hate Myself is “Beat beat me to death/I said it”. This could either be taken as a repetition of the physical act or a personification of the beat of the song. Whichever context Jamie Stewart intends, it is a preview of the album that follows: a bleak and savage look at the many faces of abuse backed up by infectious pop music. In fact the disparity between the lyrical content and most of the music seems to border on black humor.

DGIHM, for all intents and purposes, is the sonic summation of what Xiu Xiu has been doing for the last several years. The elements of each album from Knife Play to Fabulous Muscles to Women as Lovers can easily be seen here and it is completely to the benefit of the listener. In the same way that Merriweather Post Pavillion was Animal Collective’s most accessible album to date, Xiu Xiu have crafted an album that is readily listenable by a wider audience than would otherwise listen to them. This is not to say that they have sacrificed any of what made them so challenging and fascinating in the first place.

Stewart’s lyrics are still unreal in their exploration of darkness and the vocals are often placed front and center which can create some uncomfortable moments. The whispered chorus on “House Sparrow” of “I got away/I got away/I got away” or the declaration of “Nothing is worse than to be born and live” off of the decimating “Falkland Rd.” are prime examples. The album is filled with characters who endure varying sources of abuse; a young girl whores out her body for empty pleasure, a boy escapes pedophilia, a girl sacrifices her life to support her parents, a girl is bought, sold and raped. The characters and their stories are presented in an avant-Waits sort of style, with Stewart playing the ring-leader, and at times martyr for all their pain on the title track. In what will surely be the best moment of every Xiu show on their upcoming tour, Stewart declares almost anthemically “Dear God, I hate myself/and I will never be happy/and I will never feel normal”. The catharsis of this centerpiece showcases a theme of the album which crops up later: the ability of music to heal. This song was written to be sung loudly, hell, screamed at the top of your lungs if you need to. It’s a service that’s devoid of ego on Stewarts behalf.

All of this might be overwhelming if the sound faithfully followed the lyrics, but thankfully we’re given a sonic landscape of clean acoustic guitars, pulsing programmed drums, twitching background squeals, and eventually even a banjo. DGIHM is Xiu Xiu at their most poppy, for a reference point think of “I Luv the Valley OH!” or “I Do What I Want When I Want” and you’ll have an idea of what this whole album feels like. This works at once creating a successful pop album filled with catchy earworms, as well as thematically creating a sense of denial that sticks with you for days. This feels most obvious on the album’s second track “Chocolate Makes You Happy”, a song detailing the life of a bulimic teenager enduring empty sexual encounters, all put to a triumphant chorus that you will be humming for days.

On top of these slick melodies, there’s the reprieve given on “Cumberland Gap” which replaces the eerie synths and beats with a folksy banjo and swampy rhythm. Xiu Xiu had previously dipped their toes in this territory on last year’s Tiny Mix Tape charity for Darfur album with their cover of The Carter Family’s hymnal “Farther On”. Here on DGIHM the track feels like the one moment where we are able to get our heads above the suffocating atmosphere of the rest of the album. This is followed by the albums focal point and spiritual closer “This Too Shall Pass Away (For Freddy)”. The track is founded in the belief music as a healing agent and is the counter-weight to the rest of the album, providing a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel as well as name-dropping Morrissey in the chorus: “This too, this too shall pass away/Listen, Steven is singing to us/The pain of life you wipe away”.

DGIHM is unabashedly wearing its heart on its sleeve. It aggressively confronts you with the fucked up and makes you dance to it. It’s an album that feels exciting to listen to for a first time, and to discover new ticks on subsequent listen; both instantly pleasurable and slow-burn gratifying. It’s an album built on pure unadulterated pathos and it’s every bit as terrifying and beautiful as anything Xiu Xiu have ever produced. Sure, it may be bombastic and melodramatic at times, but so are we, and sometimes we just need that cathartic release.

Rating: 87%